My room smells like vodka and shame
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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