Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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