i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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