I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
