Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
