there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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