Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
