I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am naked and annoyed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
