Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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