I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
