Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
