I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
