I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
