I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
try to milk me bitch
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