first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
