hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
