Whod you bang
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
