So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
