if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
