We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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