It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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