i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
