I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
