was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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