i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
