Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
