just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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