the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
