I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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