I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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