I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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