i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
