You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
