i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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