You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
