We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize