In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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