peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
