What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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