I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
