She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
