i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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