i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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