Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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