I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize