I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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