i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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