Your dad touched me again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
