What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
