3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
