I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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