I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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