Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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