I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
