So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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