Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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