He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
