he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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