Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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