Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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