somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
