There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
