its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How external is "for external use only"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
