i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he quoted the bible to break up with me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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