you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
