I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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