Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
