saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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