how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
