You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
