And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
