There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
