mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
