I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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