I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
