is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
