don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
