why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
home. puking in laundry basket.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
