Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
