I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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