Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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