my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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