you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize