And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
