Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
