she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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