My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
