Already got asked if we're dating
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
