Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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