She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
