Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize