I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
