I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
