Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize