its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The best revenge is premature balding
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
