Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
