The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
