smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sarcasm needs its own font
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
