We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
