everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
